Non-championship playoff t-shirts
Yay! My team is sort of a champion! It's great that your team got into the playoffs and maybe won a series or game, but aside from the last team standing at the end, who cares? No one remembers the losers!
I'm a diehard Yankees fan, but this next shirt is even dumber. It commemorates that they barely got into the playoffs, and is essentialy just another way to get you to part with $19.99 at Modell's.
I occasionally bust out my 1996 World Series champion t-shirt for fun, but do you think anyone will ever wear a 2007 Wild Card t-shirt again? Sure, right after I wear all four of my Buffalo Bills AFC Championship t-shirts (just kidding - I tossed them years ago).
Bad grammer and speling
As many of you know, when it comes to grammar and spelling, I'm sort of a martinet (look it up). It bugs me immensely when professional, college-educated people misspell everyday words and mess up simple grammar. For the record, here are the correct ways to spell and write/say some common mistakes:
#1
Incorrect: I should of brought more salsa con queso. What the hell? How could "should of" possibly be correct? What does that even mean??
Correct: I should have brought more salsa con queso.
#2
Incorrect: Your welcome. Stop for a second and think about this. Your is a possessive word, so this means that the welcome belongs to you.
Correct: You're welcome. YOU ARE WELCOME. Think, people, think.
#3
Incorrect: Let's meet for the next three Monday's. Again, a stupid yet all too common error. WHY in the HELL would you add an apostrophe to make something plural??? What ass-backwards school teaches this?? If you're talking about "Monday's meeting," fine, you can say Monday's because it's now possessive. But would you write "I have three dollar's" or "There are a lot of building's in New York City"? Sadly, many people would do this.
Correct: Let's meet for the next three Mondays. Plain and simple: to make most words plural, you just add an S. You NEVER EVER EVER HOLY FUCKING SHIT NEVER add an apostrophe - even if a word ends in a vowel, like potato. The plural is POTATOES, not potato's. WHAT THE SHIT??????????
#4
Incorrect: The library book is past it's due date. Another moronic, illogical error. IT'S is a contraction of IT IS, so this sentence is actually saying "The library book is past it is due date," which makes no sense.
Correct: The library book is past its due date. ITS is possessive. IT'S is a fucking contraction. Get it straight.
Peanut Butter Slices
I thought the label peeler I mentioned in my last post was the epitome of laziness; it turns out I was wrong. Witness the PB Slice.
No longer will the lethargic, inactive children of America have to endure the excruciating process of opening a peanut butter jar and using a utensil to spread the peanut butter on bread. All they have to do is wipe the Dorito dust off their fat fingers and unwrap one of these bad boys. Maybe they can slap one between a slice of Kraft American "cheese" and an unidentified "meat" from a Lunchable, and voila! They'll have a 100% processed, natural-food-free meal. This is assuming, of course, that they can put down the Jimmy Dean Chocolate Chip Pancake & Sausage on a Stick.
God help us.
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